A woman standing in a shop filled with handmade textiles given as part of the dowry in Afghanistan. Photo by Hasht-e Subh Daily. Used with permission.

This article was written by Elina Qalam for Hasht-e Subh Daily and published on June 28, 2025. An edited version is published on Global Voices under a media partnership agreement. 

In the current economic circumstances in Afghanistan, where people are grappling with poverty, unemployment, and skyrocketing prices, preparing a dowry for a marriage has become a great challenge for many families. Once described as a symbol of maternal affection and a girl’s readiness to begin married life, this tradition has now turned into a burdensome and controversial practice.

Several families, in conversations with Hasht-e Subh Daily, who are unable to provide dowries for their daughters, claimed that the absence of a dowry diminishes the bride’s status and respect by in-laws in her married life. Some of these families hope that with greater societal awareness, this undesirable tradition will gradually fade, giving way to simpler ceremonies.

Societal pressure, stress, and delayed marriages

Shayista, who has been engaged to a relative for three years, has had her marriage delayed due to her father’s financial inability to provide a dowry. Her father, a construction worker, struggles to cover the daily expenses of their seven-member family.

She has been working secretly in a tailoring shop, away from the eyes of her fiancé and his family, to save for her dowry. Shayista adds:

My father cannot afford to fully provide a dowry. Our entire life savings don’t even amount to 20,000 Afghanis [USD 284]. You can’t save more than that with a laborer’s income. I’m forced to work for myself and buy some of the items my father can’t afford, keeping them for my dowry. Among us, a girl with a dowry is valued more.

She urges families to eliminate customs that hinder young people’s marriages.

A woman displays an intricately embroidered cloth, a traditional item often included in dowries, in a shop filled with handmade textiles. Photo by Hasht-e Subh Daily. Used with permission.

Zainab, a resident of Kabul’s 13th district, says her two daughters are engaged, but due to dire economic conditions, she cannot provide dowries for both. With her husband ill and herself earning a living by working in people’s homes, she complains about the heavy pressure of this custom.

She believes this tradition was meaningful when families had better financial means, but in the current circumstances, such expectations only lead to embarrassment, debt, and psychological stress for families. Zainab says:

For my first daughter, I prepared a dowry with all my heart, including carpets, a refrigerator, a set of dishes, [and] everything [else she may need in a new household]. But now that my other two daughters are also getting married, I don’t know what to do. Nothing is cheap. My income barely covers our daily bread. My husband is ill, and I don’t know how long this custom must continue.

Rina, a recently engaged teenage girl, says that few people now start married life with simplicity and contentment, as many focus on extravagant dowries. She adds:

In the past, people kept things simple, but now everything has turned into a competition. Everyone wants their dowry to be better than other people’s, without considering their family’s economic situation.

The preparation of lavish and costly dowries is a significant factor in reducing marriage rates, increasing the age of marriage, causing family disputes, and exerting severe financial pressure on families, young men, and women. This trend becomes even more concerning when such expenses are incurred without regard for families’ financial capacity.

Ending the vicious cycle

Some families believe that widespread cultural awareness is essential. They stress that promoting simplicity and holding affordable wedding ceremonies can help young people to start married life more easily.

Ali, a 50-year-old man whose son recently got married, considers dowries and bride prices (money paid to brides’ families by grooms’ families) to be undesirable and unnecessary traditions. Unlike many families, he had no expectations from the bride’s family and emphasized that a girl’s true value lies in her character, morals, and upbringing. He adds:

We didn’t ask for anything from the bride’s side. I even said we’d provide whatever was needed. A girl should come with dignity, not burdened by debt or shame.

Khujasta, a resident of Kabul’s 5th district, has been offering custom-made and rental dowry services for engaged girls for several years. She says this tradition remains strong among families, even if they lack financial means.

A beautifully crafted bed adorned with intricately crocheted white and purple bedding, showcasing traditional textile artistry. Photo by Hasht-e Subh Daily. Used with permission.

From her perspective, families, even in poor economic conditions, strive to provide dowries for their daughters. She says:

A dowry is given so that a girl can hold her head high among others and not be looked down upon. Without it, in the groom’s family — especially from the mother-in-law or sisters-in-law — there’s a lot of gossip. They say the girl knows nothing, hasn’t made anything, hasn’t brought anything; she’s just come to eat and wander.

Khujasta emphasizes that the pressure of these traditional expectations has pushed many girls to work toward preparing their dowries even with their own earnings, just to avoid being undervalued at the start of married life.

A finely crocheted white doily showcases traditional craftsmanship, often used as a decorative item in homes. Photo by Hasht-e Subh Daily. Used with permission.

The practice of demanding exorbitant bride prices and preparing dowries, longstanding customs in some provinces of Afghanistan, has often led to tensions and problems between couples.

What stands out more these days is the excessive and irrational competition among families and young couples — a lopsided rivalry that imposes heavy costs on families without considering their economic conditions. This trend raises concerns and delays marriages, particularly among low-income youth.

Some young people have previously taken their own lives due to their inability to cover wedding expenses. Recently, two young individuals in the eastern Paktika province committed suicide due to their inability to afford wedding costs.

One woman's family set a bride price exceeding two million Afghanis (USD 28,405), which forced her romantic interest, a young man named Allah Noor, to go to the northern Samangan province to work and cover his wedding expenses. However, when the bride’s family refused his request to pay the amount in installments, the girl took her own life by poison. A day after her death, Noor Allah took his own life during his fiancée’s funeral ceremony.

If unaddressed, Afghanistan’s dowry traditions will keep inflicting pressure on families and young people and are poised to get worse. In their current form, amid the state's challenging economic conditions, they no longer facilitate the original goal of helping young couples and are causing more harm than good by creating strained relationships within families and communities.

Editor's note: The number one cause of suicide is untreated depression. Depression is treatable, and suicide is preventable. You can get help from confidential support lines for the suicidal and those in emotional crisis. Visit Befrienders.org to find a suicide prevention helpline in your country.