Comas Make for Comedians on Russian Twitter · Global Voices
Ildar Gabidullin

What kind of world did racing driver Michael Schumacher find after his coma? Russians speculate. Images mixed by Kevin Rothrock.
From December 29, 2013, until June 16, 2014, retired racing driver Michael Schumacher was in a medically induced coma, following a grisly skiing accident. When Schumacher finally regained consciousness and left the hospital, Russian Twitter users welcomed the story as an opportunity to joke about sports and politics.
As Moscow's relationship with Kiev remains tense, many bloggers were of course eager to slap Ukraine with “coma jokes.” The parody account for Kremlin official Vladislav Surkov had this to say:
Шумахер вышел из комы, а украина в нее вошла… #газ
— Сурковъ (@SurkovRussia) June 16, 2014
Schumacher is out of a coma, but Ukraine has entered one. #gas
Another Twitter account that parodies Russia's Foreign Ministry poked fun at the Kremlin's obsession with the right-wing extremism that supposedly dominates Ukrainian politics.
Шумахер вышел из комы. Теперь главное не рассказывать ему, что весь мир, кроме России, оказался под властью фашистов, пока он спал.
— Мuд Роисси (@Fake_MIDRF) June 16, 2014
Schumacher is out of his coma. The main thing now is not to tell him that while he was sleeping the whole world, except Russia, fell under fascist control.
When the independent TV channel tweeted that Schumacher had slept through all the violence and political upheaval in Ukraine, one Twitter user joked that the news might be too shocking.
@tvrain Не говорите человеку такое. А то опять в кому…
— Евгений сын Юрия (@XA3AK) June 16, 2014
Don't you go telling a person about that. You'll send him back into a coma.
Another Twitter user also playfully linked Schumacher's recovery to events in eastern Ukraine:
По результатам референдума, Шумахерская Народная Республика (ШНР) заявила о своем выходе из комы.
— Миша Шозанахер (@loooh_pidrrr) June 16, 2014
According to the results of a referendum, the Schumacher People's Republic (SNR) has announced a decision to leave the coma.
Others quipped that Schumacher woke up to watch Germany play in the 2014 World Cup.
По данным Быстрого Слона, выход Шумахера из комы приурочен к старту сборной Германии на футбольном ЧМ-2014 http://t.co/thAp47E5wU
— Самый Быстрый Слон (@FastSlon) June 16, 2014
According to information published by Fast Slon, Schumacher came out of the coma exactly as Team Germany took the field in the 2014 World Cup.
If Schumacher does indeed find the world as frightening as some Russians make it seem, he might choose the scenario described in this last tweet:
Шумахер вышел из комы, почитал новости, сказал: “да вы все офигели” – и попросил снова вернуть его в кому.
— Мuд Роисси (@Fake_MIDRF) June 16, 2014
Schumacher came out of a coma, read the latest news, said “yeah, you've all gone nuts,” and asked to be returned to his coma.