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Korea: Why are you still single?

Autumn… fallen leaves and colorful trees, and a romantic season. Autumn is regarded as a season when you feel lonely, you feel a good appetite, and feel a strong reading desire. And winter is coming. Cold season and white snow. This is the moment that people strongly feel lonely if they’re single. Nobody is next you who can warm you physically and mentally. Every year around this time, netizens share information and opinions on how you can remove the stigma of being ‘single.’

Do you belong to these categories for why you’re still single? A netizen introduces a witty explanation.

연애못하는 솔로들의 특징
날씨가 추워지는만큼 옆구리의 빈자리가 크게 느껴지는 요즘 커플이기를 갈망하는 솔로부대들이 자주하는 질문이 있다. ‘다른 사람들은 애인을 어디에서 만드나요?’ “애인이 생기려면 대체 어디서 어떻게 해야하나요…’ 등의 가장 기본적인 질문이다.

그럼 한국남녀들이 사랑하는 사람을 처음 만난 곳은 어디일까? 며칠간 몇가지 장소를 놓고 설문조사를 해봤는데 각각 소개팅과 학교나 직장에서 현재애인이나 남편, 와이프를 만났다는 의견이 33.7%로 동률로 제일 많았고 신세대들인만큼 온라인게임, 채팅의 순이었다. 이번 커플들의 설문조사에서 볼수 있듯이 애인을 만나는 장소는 특별한 곳이 아니고 솔로들도 항상 존재하고 있는 곳이다. 그런데 왜 유독 나는 솔로일까? 답은 연인을 만날 수 있는 장소가 중요한게 아니라 그 장소에서 내가 어떤 모습을 하고 있느냐에 달린 것 같다. 솔로라면 혹시 난 이런 모습을 하고 있는 건 아닌지 생각해보자.

Characteristics of a single who is not able to have a partner
The weather is getting cold. It is time that you feel bigger emptiness when your side is vacant. It is time that singles frequently put the question, “How do other people make boy friends or girl friends?” “What do I have to do in order to make boy friends or girl friends?’ These are the basic questions.

Then where did Korean men and women find their lovers? I had a survey regarding this question. Through a blind meeting or through schools or companies, the same number, 33.7 percent, met their boy friends or husbands, or girl friends or wives. Through online games or chatting, the new generation had a chance to find their partners. As you can see, the places are not so special. The current singles also go to these places. But why are you still single? The answer shows that places are not so important and how you look and prepare in those places is more important. If you’re single, think whether you belong to categories below.

솔로인 사람들의 특징
소개팅에서 주말에 소개팅 기회가 생기면 ‘뭐 괜찮은 사람 나오겠어? 뻔하지 뭐…”하고 소개팅 자체를 귀차니즘과 과거 폭탄을 만났던 기억을 떠올리며 거부하고 집에서 낮잠을 즐긴다. 소개팅에 나가서는 맘에 드는 사람이 있어도 소심함에 애프터신청도 제대로 못하고 단지 그날 하루 재미잇게 논다는 생각으로 놀다오거나 다른 사람들 작업하는데 분위기 메이커 역할만 하고 온다. 어느 구름에서 비가 내릴지 모른다… 이번에 혹시 킹카, 퀸카가 나올지 누가 알겠는가? 소개팅 기회는 적극적으로 놓치지 말고, 소개팅에 가서는 분위기를 띄워야 한다는 강박관념에 사로잡혀 농담따먹기만 하며 남좋은 일만 시키지 말고 때론 진지하게 때론 유머러스하게 강약 조절을 잘해가며 실속을 챙기자. 또 미리 애프터ㅡㄹ 안받아줄것같다고 혼자 판단하지 말고 과감히 맘에 드는 사람이 있음 애프터는 하고 본다. 자존심? 어차피 거절당하면 다신 안 볼 사이인데 웬 자존심? 거절당하면 장난이였던척하면 된다. ㅋ

Characteristics of singles.
When you have a chance to have a blind meeting, you prefer to take a nap at home instead. You don’t expect the blind meeting so much “Fine people will not be at a blind meeting. I’m sure.” Or you are not interested in the blind meeting because you had a bad memory with previous experiences. Even though you meet a fine person at the blind meeting, you are shy to ask the second meeting and take it as a one fun day. Or if you have a group blind meeting, you entertain other couples. You don’t know from which cloud the rain will start. Who knows? This time, there will be a beauty queen or a handsome king. If you have a chance, don’t miss it. Don’t take it way too light. Don’t get pressured that you should make jokes all the time. Don’t think you should be the icebreaker all the time. Show sometimes you’re humorous and sometimes you’re serious. And don’t presume that you will not receive a second date from the other side. If you have a fine person at the meeting, you ask a second date. Pride for yourself? Even though you’re rejected for the second date, you will not see that person anymore. Therefore, it’s fine to ask for the second date. If you’re rejected, that’s it.

직장 학교에서
직장이나 학교에서는 공사를 구분해야 한다고 생각하고, 대쉬하기도 전에 직장이나 학교에서 이별후 난처해질것을 먼저 걱정하고, 직장에서 ‘김대리는… 미스김은… 왜 애인하나도 없어?’ 직장동료가 물으면 자존심도 상하고 귀찮은 마음에 ‘생길 때 되면 생기겠죠…” “관심꺼주실래요?”하고 말한다. 신중한건 좋지만 미리잇을지 없을지도 모를 미래의 이별을 걱정하며 조심스러워 대취조차 안한다면 차라리 하늘이 무너질까 걱정하고 밖에 외출하지 말것을 권하고 싶다. 공과사를 구분해야 한다고? 공과사 다잡으면 일거양득인데 왜?? 솔로들은 솔로인 생활들이 길어지다보면 이젠 누군가가가 왜 아직 혼자냐는 말도 듣기 싫어하고 자존심상해한다. 귀찮다는 듯이 관심꺼주실래요? 이런말보다는 ‘글쎄요…저도 왜 저처럼 괜찮은 사람이 아직 솔로인지 불가사위네요…’ 뭐 이렇게 가볍게 농담으로 맞대응하면서 소개팅해준다는 약속을 어떻게든 받아내는게 더 현명하다.

In your company or school
You strongly think that in your company or school you should distinguish your public and private affairs. Or you are worried in advance that your breakup with your partner in a company or school will not make your life easy. If your colleague asks, “Why you don’t have boy friend (or girl friend)?” you answer “it’s none of your business.” It’s fine to be cautious. But if you’re already worried about the potential breakup with a relationship that you haven’t even started, you’d better be stuck in your room in order to avoid natural disaster. Then you say that you should divide your public and private affairs? You can grab both of them. If your single life is getting longer, you dislike listening to a question why you’re a still single and hurt your pride. Rather than answering, “it’s none of your business, why don’t you answer, “Well… I don’t know. It’s a mystery such a cool person like me is a still single.” Then you might get another chance to have a blind meeting.

인터넷채팅이나 게임
‘뭐 이런데 오는 사람들이야 뻔하지…;하는 생각을 하고 진지하고 재미있는 채팅보다는 자극적인 농담과 사진을 주고 받는 방을 즐겨찾고, 채팅보다는 빨간여우나 이쁜여우라는 이름으로 수시로 들어오는 야릇한 쪽지에 관심을 갖는다. 인연이란건 아무도 모른다. 주변에서 나이트 부킹에서 만나 결혼했단 얘길 가끔 들었을 것이고, 내주변에서도 채팅을 통해 결혼하고 결혼예정인 사람들도 몇 쌍있다. 만남이란 어디에서 만났느냐가 중요한게 아니라 어떻게 알아가느냐가 중요한 것이다. 내가 상대방을 이런데 오는 사람들이야… 뭐 이렇게 생각하듯이 상대방도 나를 그렇게 생각할 수 있으니 온라인 게임이든 채팅이든 대화할 기회가 생기면 솔직하고 진솔하게 대화하는 자세도 필요하다.

In internet chatting or game
“I’m sure I know what kinds of people hang around here…” You judge those people. So rather than looking for serious and fun conversations in the Internet, you yourself look for spicy jokes and photos. Nobody can guess about destiny. I sometimes hear that someone around me met their destiny at a night club. Someone met their destiny through the internet chatting. Where you found your destiny is not important. How you get to know is more important. If you look down on people who are hanging out at those places, others might have the same attitude toward you in other places. If you have a chance to have conversations in the Internet online games or chatting rooms, it is necessary that you have an attitude to have honest and serious conversations.

만남주선업체나, 사이트
다른건 안보고 그냥 청순하고 섹시한 여자면 되요..
별 것 없고 그냥 맞벌이할 수 있고 키는 165정도에 얼굴 착하고 예쁘고 집안 반듯함 돼요…

흔히 이런곳까지 가서 솔로탈출을 원하는 사람들을 보면 어차피 돈들이고 만난 것
마치 본전이라도 뽑으려는 듯 현실에 있음직하지 않을법한 사람들을 찾는 경우가 많다. 그러기전에 나를 한번 되돌아보고 눈높이는 한단께씩만 낮루면 만날 사람들은 무궁무진하다. 또 이사람이 아니여도 다른 사람을 소개받은되지…다른사람도 만나봐야지 하는 생각에 제법 괜찮은데도 거절했다가 후회하는 사람들도 많은데 다음이란 없다… 첫 만남에서 100% 내마음에 드는 이성을 찾으려고 하기보다는 70-80%만 맘에 들면 다음번에 만나서 그 사람이 다른 매력을 확인할 필요가ㅏ 있다.

In professional arrangement meeting companies or websites.
You say I don’t care about others as long as she is pure and sexy… I don’t demand others so much: she can contribute economically through her job, has a fine complexion, her height is about 165 cm, and her family background is fine…

If you’re under this circumstance, you already invested your money to be the member of these companies or websites. Considering your investment, you become unrealistic to have conditions of your future partner. Before that, look at yourself first and if you lower your appreciation a little bit you will have more chances to meet candidates. Or after you meet one person, you reject him (or her) with the expectations that the next one might be better. I saw so many people who regretted later. But there is no next. Rather than finding 100 percent perfect person at a first meeting, you should try to find more attractions with the person who had 70-80 percent satisfaction at the second meeting.

4 comments

  • BobChen

    Interesting post.
    Chinese think 11, Nov as the day of bachelor, because the day looks like 11.11, 4 lonely sticks standing together.
    Quite imaginative….. wonder any other cultures would think it this way?

  • Clara

    Nice post with nice tips for a single woman like me:)

  • Javier

    Very useful. and my korean friends are all brave about relationship.

  • kim

    yeah,being together is warm especially in winter

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