Day One of the Seventeenth National Congress of the Communist Party of China has wrapped up, China's image of a sterile dictatorship remains secure, a delegate has been kicked out, an investigative reporter's career has turned into pulverized coal dust, and while Chinese media, desperate, might have hope of covering these nation-changing conventions one day, they're playing Spot the Difference with newspaper front pages from across the country on their blogs and mocking all the sloganeering via their MSN Messenger handles.
The blogging class, nonetheless, is watching closely, and while the concrete significance of what comes from the Congress (十七大 or 大大大大大大大大大大大大大大大大大 for blogability) might not even be known for a few more years, there's toilet humour for the meantime.
On that note, independent aggregator Bullog blogger Song Shinan caught the official press conference the day before the Seventeenth Congress opened, and then wrote this:
And then the comments:
Brother, if you were to give me a role like Mr. Yee in ‘Lust, Caution’, a role where I could fuck Wong Chia-chi in different positions, man I'd think you were the smartest, best, most gifted, talented, humorous, witty and compassionate king of the short story.
Even if journalists were kings without a crown, the hammer and sickle courts are still in session behind the screen.
人民网北京10月13日电（记者 王倩）党的十七大召开在即，人民网网友“对党说句心里话” 和“强国论坛”的讨论红红火火，不断升温。网友在留言中热情洋溢地预祝十七大圆满召开，字里行间透露出对党和祖国的无限热爱。
…[series of similar netizen slogans redacted]…
This line is mistaken. What actually happens—and the whole world knows this—is that only Xinhua pieces can be used, and a whole page is reserved for what the editor-in-chief of People's Daily sends out.
This line is mistaken. What actually happens—and the whole world knows this—is that only Xinhua pieces can be used, and a whole page is reserved for what the editor-in-chief of People's Daily sends out.”
And foreign reporters? What about the foreign reporters pretending to ask questions? Song Shinan got it right.
China's a big place with abundant resources, especially when it comes to civil servants. China's government today is the largest one in history, something like ‘bang out an orgasm’ comes quite easily, even pleasantly.
也只有 罗伯特·罗德里格斯 的《恐怖星球》恐怖星球 的对白 能够招抚他了！
Hu Jia, still blogging away at MSN Live Spaces as he goes through life, day 150 of his ongoing holiday spent held captive in his home in Beijing's Bobo Freedom City—now with twenty state agents stationed outside his door, he notes, and several hundred more days until next year's Olympics will close—one of the few bloggers in the country to write anything critical of the Congress [zh], has seen enough certain improvement to compile a list of several Guinness world records he has now applied for, from the CCP‘s incredible enrollment figures to Hu's estimated 492 government officers, agents, guards, drivers, workers and wait staff serving each Congress delegate this week as well as the associated costs and GDP stimuli—and those unaccounted for, the numbers of unruly citizens recently “harmonized” through words and violence, the numbers of foreigners recently repatriated; others like him on extended, state-enforced home stays, those in detention, prison or psychiatric wards; the highest number of television channels live broadcasting the opening ceremony for a political gathering, the most times the word democracy has ever been mentioned in a single speech given by a state leader (50-60 by Hu's count), the highest concentration (photos) of police, armed police, special police, undercover police, soldiers, other assorted security personnel and their weapons in a tourist destination and with that, the highest number of troublemakers detained in a single day.