In a recent edition of MindMeters columnist Fang Jun's Marriagement column entitled Love in the Internet Age [zh] is a spoiler of the recently-released Hollywood movie Hard Candy:
Dangerous Fruit Hard Candy
《Hard Candy》是我看的第一部与网络密切相关的电影。中文翻译为《水果硬糖》，其实“Hard candy”是网络俚语，指未成年少女。
Hard Candy is the first movie I've seen that deals with internet intimacy. It's been translated into Chinese as Fruit Hard Candy [水果硬糖]; as a matter of fact, ‘Hard Candy’ is internet slang for underage girls.
The beginning part is just as one would imagine the process of net love. The 32 year-old photographer, Jeff, meets 14 year-old Hailey on the internet. Two weeks later they're already flirting unscrupulously online: “little girl, hurry up and go take your shower, I'll imagine what you look like in the bath,” and then they decide to meet. Hailey appears to be a fair-skinned, underdeveloped little girl, because she's just had her first period. Just as they meet, she's wolfing down a piece of cake, with chocolate smeared on her face. How innocent! This kind of girl drives Jeff crazy. Little does he know that a nightmare is about to begin.
Yup, if you meet up with an internet buddy just after knowing each other, you must not let your guard down, even if it's a harmless little girl. In front of everything you think you know about that person, you must first put a question mark.
Hailey is carrying a big book bag. Why? She explains saying she's brought a few books, romance novels. ‘In case I get stood up, I'll still have something to read.’
Is that so? One book with its corner sticking out sure doesn't look like a romance novel. What this movie tells us, is that the first time we meet net buddies, men aren't the only ones who bring along tools ‘for battle'; sometimes the women do too. Hidden in their bags or purses might just be the whole set of tools, step-by-step guide, taser, long, sturdy rope and duct tape needed to turn you into a eunuch.
Hailey goes on chatting carefree, mentions that she really likes such-and-such a singer, but didn't have a chance to go to their concert. Jeff immediately replies that he has an mp3 of the concert. As logically as grass grows, they go to Jeff's house. Want a drink? No, Hailey's eyes are alert, she doesn't drink anything she hasn't mixed herself. She begins to mix a screwdriver for Jeff. Jeff falls down. You shouldn't drink anything you haven't mixed yourself; this line holds up for everyone.
Jeff is tied to a chair. He is a pedophile, suspected of having killed Hailey's friend Donna. Hailey has come for revenge. “I chose today because one of your neighbors is off at work, and another is on holiday!” “Every time I mentioned a [rock] band, you always come off sounding like an expert, but always reply a few seconds later. Have you ever noticed that your reviews of all those bands are exactly the same as the reviews found on Amazon.com?” “Yeah, I never even like that band, in fact I really hate them!” Hailey flips through all the nude photos Jeff has of underage girls. She ties Jeff to the table, spreads ice over his private parts—first to numb, and then operate on. Jeff is extremely frightened.
The story ends with Jeff, having been threatened by Hailey, killing himself. Scores in the internet age have internet age ways of settling themselves.
More on the internet+castration theme in a post from IT blogger Shanhe which looks at the passing of a recent law aimed at stifling the growing trend of posting cultural jamming-type videos online. More than just raising questions about the divisions of authority among China's regulatory bodies, bloggers across China read the news not with disappointment but with glee, thanking the increasingly anachronous government body for ensuring spooftastic blogging material for months to come:
The internet has been developing in our country for over ten years. Somewhere along the way, the department responsible for overseeing broadcast television, the State Administration of Radio, Film and Television (SARFT), suddenly started concerning itself with the internet, and even came out with new regulations on internet video shorts
. After seeing that, I had to speak out. A regulation like this is just too silly!
First off, management of the internet is the jurisdiction of the Ministry of Information Industries (MII). This regulation involves the entire industry and no matter what, shouldn't be below the MII. But, up until now I haven't seen anything from the MII. SARFT, you already don't allow internet companies to offer IPTV
, so why are you still interfering with the internet? As for the MII, you're domineering enough as it is; the Great Firewall
has effectively curbed international internet companies’ tempers. The Chinese internet is your turf, you need to watch over it. You weren't ever needed to do much, and now SARFT has taken over. Why haven't we heard so much as a fart out of you?
Again, pay attention to this regulation: “anything broadcast on the internet, shot or recorded using any audiovisual equipment, continuous moving images or continuously heard sounds constitute audiovisual programs” all of which fall under scope of SARFT supervision and management. In other words, the souvenir video you shoot at your wedding, the intimate video you shoot with your mobile phone, all belong to SARFT, and need SARFT's permission in order to be shot or before you can show others. In a few words, previously we went about life as normal, but now these behaviors, which don't endanger other people's lives, are now possibly illegal. A law has deprived us of our previously-held legal rights and interests! I'd like to ask, does a constitution-abiding government so freely deprive civilians of their normal rights and interests? I studied the consitution in common law, and there doesn't seem to be any law which allows the government to do things like this. On the contrary, I remember that administrative permissions law stipulates how our government should go about implementing administrative regulations. SARFT bureaucrats, have you studied it? While I'm at it, how about the Three Represents
? The Eight Virtues and Eight Shames
? Let me correct myself: don't understand the law? No worries! Officials not understanding the law isn't shameful? The most ironic of this all is that information about this regulation actually originated in the Legal Daily
. This can't help but leave one admiring that thing called irony!!
Actually, to put it plainly, this kind of regulation is nothing more than our so-called functioning departments, having seen how massive this market has grown, doing what they like most and implementing legal restrictions which deprive civilians of their legal rights and interests. Then, when with us civilians’ normal needs now illegal, you'll need to pay to obtain your rights. This is where corruption begins. Another thought, now that SARFT's new law has come out, have they thought through how to put it into effect? You can't even manage the messy affairs of your own industry, and now you want to take care of internet affairs? If you have time, you can work out standards for digital television and eliminate unsuitable children's shows from children's channels, monopolize your radio and television stations and reap the sudden profits, as well as screen out the crazy IVR SM
S ads on television. Further, many rural areas still have no way of receiving Party instruction on television; this is something you should be worrying about!
Back to MindMeters‘ Fang Jun, who proposes a start to SARFT spoofing:
又，哪个高人演绎一个中国广电总局版的歌曲《FXXK you very much, FCC》。FCC歌曲的歌词，MP3音频. Wiki介绍。
China's laws have always had one distinct advantage; you can establish them, and I can disregard them. At least this is the case in regards to individuals; small companies can also play this game. That's why everyone should keep on having fun. Also, which smart guy will come up with the SARFT version of the song FXXK You Very Much, FCC
? The FCC song's lyrics
and wiki introduction
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