When veteran AIDS activist Hu Jia (胡佳) was kidnapped by Chinese police in February this year, his wife, Zeng Jinyan (曾金燕), found closed police station doors at every turn. No answers, explanations or even an admission that her husband was in police custody, Zeng set up a blog [zh] documenting her efforts to get her husband back. Forty-one days later he was dropped off in the outskirts of Beijing. Emaciated and suffering from cirrhosis of the liver, he walked over an hour to get home.
The incident seems to have been Zeng's entry point into the dangerous world of Chinese AIDS victim and female reproductive rights activism. While recent posts mention fundraising for impoverished AIDS orphans with little hope of finishing high school and a call for volunteers to help design one AIDS NGO's monthly publication, the prime focus on Zeng's blog of late has been on the case of Chen Guangcheng (陈光诚), a blind activist abducted by Chinese police earlier this year after launching a lawsuit on behalf of women in his native Shandong province who were forcibly sterilized.
Acting on behalf of Chen's wife Yuan Weijing (袁伟静) in posting information on developments in Chen's case on her blog, Zeng, age 22, soon found herself being followed by state secret police. Below are several of Zeng's recent posts. Of particular note are the posts from late June, in which Zeng writes of successfully standing up to her followers.
June 4
下雨，是云哭了
When it rains, the clouds are crying
如果生命可以重来，我情愿做一只小小鸟，自由地在天空飞翔，直到衰老死亡；如果生命可以选择，我情愿做一棵小小草，和着风笑，伴着雨跳，到了秋天便枯黄；如果生命可以支配，我情愿做一个天真的小小孩，永远不长大。
If we could be reincarnated, I'd like to come back as a small birdie, flying freely in the sky until the day I die. If we could choose our lives, I'd want to be a little piece of grass, laughing with the wind, dancing with the rain, turning brown in autumn. If life could be controlled, I'd want to be an innocent little child, never growing up.
为了逃避今天——每个人从自己的角度，都希望没有今天这个日子——我几乎是逼着胡佳跟我一起离开北京，希望能太太平平地度过今天，不让他的肝硬化病情恶化，把命保住。离开北京的日子，尽管有人跟踪，还算是相安无事。每天在高耀洁老师家里，帮助处理各种各样的艾滋病工作：邮寄艾滋病教育资料、接待来访、修改稿件、挑选图片……
In order to keep my mind off today—people of all points of view all hope that this day, today, didn't exist—I almost had to force Hu Jia leave Beijing with me, hoping to peacefully get through today and stop his cirrhosis of the liver from getting worse, preserve his life. The days we were away from Beijing, although we were followed, were pretty relaxed. Every day, in Teacher Gao Yaojie's home, we helped her take care of all sorts of AIDS work, mailing out AIDS educational materials, taking calls, editing documents, selecting photos……
凤凰卫视的工作人员给志愿者电话，说今天下午来家采访高耀洁老师，谈一谈艾滋病问题。午饭前后，分别来了两个感染者家庭，A 家的男孩2004年在北京某著名的口腔医院做腭裂修补手术，输血感染了艾滋病；B 家的母亲生孩子时剖腹产输血感染了艾滋病，还母婴传播感染了两个女儿，其中一个女儿已经死了。男孩10岁，女孩明天生日满5 岁，两个孩子都聪明伶俐，进门礼貌地叫奶奶，叫人没法不喜欢。
The Pheonix TV crew had phoned the volunteers and said that this afternood they would be coming to interview Teacher
Gao Yaojie (高耀洁), to talk about the AIDS problem. Around lunchtime, two separate infected families came. The boy from family A was infected with HIV in 2004 from a blood transfusion during a cleft palate restoration surgery at a well-known stomatological hospital in Beijing. The mother from family B was infected with HIV from a blood transfusion during a cesarean section birth, and passed it on to her two baby daughters, one of whom has since died. The boy is ten years old and the girl, whose birthday is tomorrow, will be five. The two children are very clever. As they came through the door they politely called for ‘granny.’ There's no way anyone couldn't like them.
屋子里人多热闹，大家仿佛回到自己的家，吃馍、洗水果、包扎邮寄书籍、看小孩、谈话……下午3点多，凤凰卫视的主持人曾子墨先到高老师家，一老一少聊开了。不久凤凰卫视的其他工作人员，打来电话说马上到小区门口。门突然被敲响，开门看见一名女警和一个便装的女人。
Full of people, the room was stuffy. Everybody made themselves at home, eating buns, washing fruit, tying up parcels of books, watching the kids, chatting……then at three p.m., Pheonix TV presenter Zeng Zimo (曾子墨) arrived at Teacher Gao's home; two people chatting, one old, one young. Before long, another Pheonix TV crew member phoned and told them to get out of there. Then suddenly there was a knock at the door, which upon opening revealed one female police officer and one woman in casual dress.
女警自我介绍是片警，姓马，来做民意测验，进门却马上要求我们每一个人出示身份证。
The female officer introduced herself as a cop, named Ma, here to carry out a public opinion poll. As soon as she came in she asked us to produce our identification.
哪条法律规定了做入户民意测验需要房子里每一个人出示身份证？我们要求对方出示证件，出示入户文件。对方出示了胸卡，说没有入户文件，说如果要看文件，干脆大家一起去派出所。我们当然不同意，经历过各种”险情”的曾子墨，有她的周全考虑，出示了身份证。既然是民意测验，我有权拒绝出示身份证， B家两口子也没有出示。高老师起身，拉着片警，简单介绍屋子里每一个人的情况，说曾子墨是来看望她的。
Where is there a law that says everybody in a house needs to produce identification for a routine public opinion poll? We asked her to produce her credentials and an entry warrant. She showed her badge but said there was no entry warrant and if we wanted to see some more documentation we'd all have to go down to the police station together. Of course we didn't agree. Zeng ‘been through it all’ Zimo, showed them her ID. Since it was a public opinion poll, I had the right to refuse to show my identification. Family B didn't show theirs either. Teacher Gao got up, took the officers aside and gave a simple explanation as to what everyone was doing there and said that Zeng Zimo was just looking in on her.
我很气愤，也觉得委屈。不知道过了多久，听见马警察说：”如果有外籍人士来，超过三天，一定要和我们联系登记。”正准备把片警送出大门，马警察指着电视旁放的DV 机（迷你型摄像机），要求看一看内容。那DV机本来是志愿者在高老师家拍摄高老师的生活起居的，片警敲门进来，DV 机就放在电视旁的桌子上，没有关机，因此虽然没有正面的图像，却录下了所有人来来往往的身影和声音。马警察要求删除她进屋以后所有的内容。几番争执，志愿者不得不同意覆盖这一段录像。
I was furious and wanted to complain. I don't know how long after that I heard officer Ma say, “if any foreign nationals here stay for longer than three days, they must get in touch with us and register.” Just as we were about to see the officers out the door, officer Ma pointed to the digital video camera beside the television and requested to see what had been filmed. The camera had been brought by a volunteer to film Teacher Gao around the house. When the officers knocked, the volunteer placed it down beside the television without turning it off. Although there was no clear picture, it had recorded everybody's silhouettes and voices. Officer Ma requested that we delete all content with her in it. After a short debate, the volunteer had no choice but to agree to record over that part.
此两位宣称进行”民意测验”的警察，看见录相内容已经被覆盖，扬长而去。志愿者曾经质疑”既然是民意测验，对门的人家你去不去？我帮你敲邻居的门？”警察很慌张，现在看来，仅仅是针对高耀洁老师做”民意测验”啊！
After these two police officers supposedly here for a ‘public opinion poll’ had seen that the parts showing them had been recorded over, they swaggered off. One volunteer asked, “since this is a public opinion poll, will you be going to the door across the hall? Shall I knock on their door for you?” This threw the police off; now that I think about it, they were only out to get Teacher Gao Yaojie with their ‘public opinion poll.’
我马上给律师打电话，详细讲了发生的情况。律师朋友实事求是地说，这种情况没有办法进入司法程序，只能向警务督察反映，投诉此片警滥用职权。片警以”民意测验”的借口进入私宅，既然是民意测验，屋主和客人可以拒绝片警的任何要求。至于 DV录像，片警可以要求删除涉及她的片段，但因为是在私宅而不是派出所或警察局录像，删或不删，决定权在屋主和DV机主人手中。
I immediately phoned the lawyer and explained the details of what had happened. The lawyer told me flat out that in these circumstances there would be no legal procedures to follow up, that we could only file a complaint of abuse of authority with their superintendent. By using ‘public opinion poll’ as an excuse to enter a private residence, even though it was in fact a public opinion poll, the home owner and guests could have refused any police requests. As for the video, the police can request the parts containing them be deleted but as it was filmed in a private residence and not in a police station or office, the right to decide whether or not to erase lies with the home owner and the owner of the camera itself.
我们多少也明白一些法律的规定，可是又能怎么样呢！法律是写出来给人看的，而不是用来保护需要保护的个体。如果我们坚持拒绝片警入户，如果我们坚持拒绝删除DV 录像，如果……最晚晚上 10点，屋子里这些志愿者、感染者、记者，全部离开高老师的家回自己的家了，回到外地的家了。留下高老太太一个人，叫她怎么在这样如狼似虎的环境下活下去？我哀叹，一个名人尚且被如此对待，一般的老百姓怎么办！
We have a bit of understanding of the law, but what difference does it make? The law is written for people to see, not to be used to protect those who need protecting. If we had stood firm and refused the police entry, if we had held our ground and refused to delete the video, if……by ten p.m. everyone in the house, the volunteers, the infected, the journalists, had all left Teacher Gao's home for their own, or gone back to their provinces. Left alone, how is old lady Gao supposed to live in such a harsh environment like this? Sigh…if such a well-known person can still receive treatment like this, what are the common folk supposed to do?
整个事件的过程，曾子墨一直很冷静，让我好佩服。曾子墨刚回到宾馆，接到通知，”这里”找到电视台，要求凤凰卫视不拍高耀洁老师，要求曾子墨和她的同事今晚”必须” 离开郑州。她们马上要离开郑州了。这一次，我总算真正明白了什么叫”防火防盗防记者”。大陆的不那么如临大敌地防，是因为大陆的媒体更加在他们的指掌中。
During the process of the entire incident, Zeng Zimo kept her cool, which really impressed me. Zeng Zimo went back to her hotel and received a notice. ‘Here’ had found the television station and requested that Pheonix TV not film Teacher Gao Yaojie, further requesting that Zeng Zimo and her colleagues “must” leave
Zhengzhou tonight. After this I finally understand what a ‘fire-fighting, crime-busting journalist’ is. The reason critical situations like this aren't prevented on the mainland is because mainland media is firmly in Their hands.
鞋子也没脱，高老师侧身倒在床上睡着了。高老师心里很明白，有些人不愿意她再一次强调血液感染艾滋病的问题。今天来高老师家的两个家庭感染艾滋病，根本原因是输血。4 个人（其中 3个是孩子）感染了艾滋病，死了1 个小女孩。高耀洁老师不否认性途径和吸毒传播艾滋病，但是为什么不谈论血液问题呢！为什么到了 2004年、2005 年，仍然那么多人在医院输血感染艾滋病呢？为什么小孩、老人、血友病患者以及那些做过手术的人们，突然发现自己感染了艾滋病呢？为什么？这几天在高老师家整理输血感染艾滋病的感染者来信和调查稿件，我会陆续把文章发给大家。
Without even taking her shoes off, Teacher Gao flopped onto the bed and fell asleep. Teacher Gao knows what's really going on. Some people don't want her focussing again on the HIV transmission blood problem. Both the families that came to Teacher Gao's home today were infected with HIV through blood transmissions. Four people (three of whom are children) are infected with HIV, and one little girl has already died. Teacher Gao Yaojie doesn't deny that HIV is transmitted through unprotected sex and intravenous drug usage, but asks why the blood problem isn't being talked about! Why in 2004 and 2005 are there still so many people being infected with HIV during blood transfusions in hospitals? Why are children, seniors and hemophiliacs as well as those undergoing surgery suddenly noticing that they've been infected with HIV? Why? These next few days I'll be at Teacher Gao's house going through letters and survey documents from people infected with HIV through blood transfusions and will continue posting articles for everyone to see.
June 11
宣告陈光诚的罪名
Declaration of Chen Guangcheng's crime
晚上十点左右，有朋友打来电话说，陈光诚的妻子袁伟静找我，很着急。
我马上给袁伟静电话，这是我和袁伟静之间第一次直接通话，我敬称她为”嫂子”。
At around ten p.m. a friend phoned me to say that Chen Guangcheng's wife Yuan Weijing was looking for me and that it was urgent. I immediately phoned Yuan Weijing, my first time speaking to her directly. I respectfully addressed her as ‘older sister-in-law’ [saozi].
袁伟静告诉我，由于光诚失踪以及村里其他村民被捕等事件，压力很大，一直没法好好睡觉，头疼。多次争取要求去医院看病，今天终于获得批准去医院看病。但是就在被”护送看病”的途中，车子被公安局的人拦下来，带回家。公安局给袁伟静陈光诚刑事拘留的通知书，陈光诚”犯”的罪是”故意损坏财物罪”和”聚众扰乱交通罪”，通知书上说是从昨天即2006年6月10日起拘捕陈光诚的。袁伟静不同意，2006年3月11日她亲眼看见丈夫被警察带走，那么3月11日——6月10日之间，他们把陈光诚弄到哪里去了？公安局的工作人员没有回答袁伟静的问题，反而威胁她，说袁伟静的态度直接决定他们对光诚的做法，要求袁伟静签署刑事拘留的通知书；并且警告袁伟静已经涉嫌犯罪，因为她生了孩子。
Yuan Weijing told me that due to Guangcheng's disappearance as well as villagers being arrested and other incidents, the pressure was getting to her. Unable to sleep and having headaches, she asked many times to go see a doctor. Today they finally granted her permission to go to the hospital and see a doctor. But as she was being ‘escorted,’ the car was stopped by someone from the police station and she was taken home. The police station gave Yuan Weijing Chen Guangcheng's official notice of criminal detainment. Chen Guangcheng was ‘guilty’ of the crime of ‘intentional destruction of property’ and ‘inciting of the masses to disrupt traffic.’ The notice said Chen Guangcheng had been taken into detention as of yesterday, June 10, 2006. Yuan Weijing did not agree. On March 11, 2006 she personally saw her husband being taken away by the police. So then from March 11 until June 10 where had they kept Chen Guangcheng? The police station staff did not answer Yuan Weijing's question, but in fact threatened here, saying that her attitude directly determines how they treat Chen Guangcheng, and asked Yuan Weijing to sign the official notice of criminal detainment. As well, the police warned Yuan Weijing that she herself was a criminal suspect, for having given birth to a child.
袁伟静拒绝签收刑事拘留通知书，因为签了通知就意味着承认陈光诚是昨天被警察带走的。这不是明摆着睁眼说瞎话吗？荒唐！袁伟静说，她已经没有人身自由了，如果不是因为家中有怀抱中的婴儿和年老的母亲，她早已被警察逮捕。但是袁伟静迫切地希望，律师可以直接介入此案。
Yuan Weijing refused to sign the official notice of criminal detainment, because signing it would be like admitting that Chen Guangcheng had just been taken away yesterday. Isn't this a blatant, eyes-wide-open lie? Absurd! Yuan Weijing says she already no longer has any personal freedom; if it weren't for her nursing baby and elderly mother, she would have been arrested long ago. But Yuan Weijing keeps up hopes that a lawyer will be able to intervene in this case.
我很担心，非法监视居住一个盲人将近两百天、又非法拘禁这个盲人将近一百天同时软禁其妻子的公安部门，现在给这个盲人定罪为”故意损坏财物罪”和”聚众扰乱交通罪”、还恬不知耻地说是昨天把盲人带走的政府部门，会让律师介入此案吗？会不会像纽约时报的赵岩案件一样，把法律当成玩弄全世界人民的手段？
I'm really worried. On top of illegal surveillance of a blind man's house for nearly two hundred days, and illegal imprisonment of a blind man for nearly one hundred days at the same time keeping his wife under house arrest, the police now want to charge this blind man with ‘intentional destruction of property’ and ‘inciting of the masses to disrupt traffic.’ Would a government department who so shamelessly says the blind man was taken away only yesterday allow a lawyer to get involved in this case? Will this be the same as the
New York Times‘
Zhao Yan case, turning the law into a toy with which to play with people around the world?
我问袁伟静，能为陈光诚做什么，电话断了。再打电话，说几句又断了。第三次通话，嫂子说手机信号屏蔽仪就在邻居家，又断了。接下来电话再也打不通。
I asked Yuan Weijing what we could do for Chen Guangcheng and the line was cut off. I phoned again, said a few words and then it was cut again. The third time phoning, Saozi said there was a mobile phone signal blocker in the neighboring apartment, and then we got cut off again. I phoned again and the number could not be connected.
当局给陈光诚定罪了，这意味着什么？
The authorities have charged Chen Guangcheng with a crime. What does that mean?
June 16
今天为救援陈光诚创办了一个博客”光诚快回家”。接下来的日子，光诚的朋友会持续把相关资料上传到该博客。
佛祖保佑，光诚快回到你的家人身边。
In order to save Chen Guangcheng, I set up a blog today, “
Chen Guangcheng, Hurry Home.” From now on, Guangcheng's friends can keep on putting related materials up on this blog. With Buddha's blessing, Chen Guangcheng, hurry home to your family's side.
June 18
在生命的第22个年头，结婚的第一个夏天，获知自己被美国二十一世纪中国基金会（ Foundation for China in the 21 st Century）授予本年度的”受难者家人奖”，我心不安，深觉有愧。在没有任何罪名和指控的情况下，我的先生胡佳遭受来自公安局系统的暴力、失踪、软禁、孤立和压制。最近的一次，胡佳失踪 41天。 2006年 3月28日 ，他从公安机关的绑架者手里回到我的身边，形销骨立、夜夜噩梦、肝硬化、情绪不稳定……他还活着回来，我感恩上天的厚爱，我珍惜和他在一起的分分秒秒，我觉得幸福。但是，我知道磨难没有结束，我必须时刻准备迎接下一轮考验的到来。我也知道，在我们热爱的土地上，还生活着许多和我一样命运的女性。她们正直有良知的家人，仍然被关押在监狱，仍然莫名其妙地失踪，仍然被软禁、压制，或者正蒙受不白之冤被推向深渊。
In my 22nd year of life, my first summer since getting married, I've been made aware that I've been awarded this year's Foundation for China in the 21st Century Victims’ Family Members Award. My heart is not at ease, I feel deeply embarrased. Without any crime or accusation, my husband Hu Jia, at the hands of the police system, suffered violence, ‘disappearing’, home arrest, isolation and oppression. The most recent time, Hu Jia disappeared for forty-one days. On March 28, 2006 he came home to me from the hands of his police department kidnappers skin and bones, with nightmares, cirrhosis of the liver and unstable emotions……he still lived to come back, and I'm thankful for God's deep love. I cherish every second of every minute that I'm with him, I feel lucky. But, I know that the tribulations have not ended. I must hurry to prepare for the next round of trials. I also know that on this land we love so much, that there are many other women with the same fortune as mine. Their upright and conscientious family members are still locked up in prison, still arbitrarily being disappeared, still being put under house arrest and oppressed, or are currently sustaining injustice and being pushed towards the abyss.
…snip…
我的丈夫胡佳选择做一个正直有良心的人，选择维护人类尊严的事业，也就选择了承受随之而来的磨难。我理解并尊重他的选择。婚礼上交换誓言时，我承诺了一辈子与爱人相伴相随。面对磨难，我要好好地学习，学习更加睿智、更加快乐地生活。面对强大对手的恐吓、阴暗、丑恶与仇恨，我没有武器，只有爱和宽容。将来的日子里，我也要用爱，一步一步逼退对手，保护我的丈夫不再一次一次受伤害。恨只会加深仇恨，爱，才能让行恶者直视自己羞耻的心，让他们停止仇恨与压迫，让他们开始爱自己的家人，也爱别人的家人！到那一天，没有人愿意行恶了，也就没有了行恶的机构和政府。我们的家人，才能平安地生活在我们热爱的国土上。
My husband Hu Jia chooses to be an upright and conscientious person. He chose to defend human dignity as a career, and chose to endure any tribulations that come. I understand and respect his choices. Exchanging vows at our wedding, I consented to accompany my lover for this lifetime. In dealing with tribulations, I need to study harder and learn how to be savvier and have a happy life. In dealing with my mighty adversaries’ intimidation, shadiness, ugliness and hatred, I have no weapons. I have only love and tolerance. In the days to come, I also want to use love to step-by-step push back my adversaries’ hands and protect my husband from being hurt again. Hate only gives way to more hate. Only love can bring the wicked to see their shameless hearts, to make them stop the hatred and oppression, and allow them to love their own families, and other people's families as well! When that day comes, nobody will want to be wicked, and there will be no wicked Party and government, and our family will be able to live peacefully on this land we love so much.
如果没有国内外媒体、驻华大使馆和国际组织等机构，没有环境保护、艾滋病工作、公民维权等领域的众多人士，以及中国政府中个别有良知人士的持续关注与支持，很可能胡佳仍然被关押在不知名的地方，家人仍然承受没有任何胡佳信息的压力，而我很可能早已恐惧慌乱而倒下。借着美国二十一世纪中国基金会颁奖的机会，胡佳与我深深地给诸位鞠躬致谢。
If it hadn't been for domestic and foreign media, foreign embassies and international organizations, for environmentalists, AIDS workers, civil rights defenders, as well as those people within the Chinese government and all their continuous attention and support, it's very possible that Hu Jia would still be locked up in prison in a nameless place, that family members would still be enduring the pressure of having no news of Hu Jia, and I would have lost it from the fear and fright. Hu Jia and I take this opportunity of the Foundation for China in the 21st Century's offering to us of this award to express our deepest thanks by bowing before you.
June 19
今天所有和新闻发布会有关的人被限制人身自由，包括我和胡佳被软禁在家。刚才陈光诚的母亲和孩子被不明身份的十几位便衣从北京朋友家强制带走。带走的车子没有牌照，小区保安和楼下监视的警察全部不作为，并配合绑架车辆/人员的行动。
情况紧急，请大家相互传递消息并想方设法营救陈光诚的母亲和3岁的孩子
Dear Friends:
All lawyers and friends of Chen Guangcheng related to International Press Conference are under house arrest or have no freedom today. We cancel the press conference. Sorry for changing so many times.
This afternoon, around 7:00pm, Chen Guangcheng's mother and 3-year old child, who come to Beijing for the Press Conference, were kidnapped downstairs the home of Guangcheng's friend in Beijing by about 10 plainclothesmen from Shandong. The Beijing policemen and the gate guard do nothing, in other words, assisting the kidnapping.
We really appreciate your work on rescuing Chen Guangcheng and his family.
Bow our thanks.
Chen Guangcheng's friend, Hu Jia and Jinyan.
June 20
陈光诚的母亲和3岁孩子找到了
今天上午，陈光诚的母亲和孩子被当地公安局送到山东临沂市沂南县县城里，被禁止回到袁伟静所在的村庄。用对方的话来说，是不能再和袁伟静接触，袁伟静是孩子的母亲，老人的儿媳妇。目前老人和孩子暂时居住在陈光诚县城的哥哥家里
This morning, Chen Guangcheng's mother and his 3-year old child were sent to Yinan County in Shandong province by the policemen. They were forbidden to go back their village, staying with Yuan Weijing. In the policmen's words, the mother and the kid are forbidden to keep touch with Yuan Weijing, however, Yuan is the kid's mom and the old woman's daughter-in-law.
June 20
第一次被3辆车12个人跟踪
My first time to be tailed by twelve people in three cars
下班回到家，困惑。我一边做饭炒菜，一边想：究竟什么原因，使得我昨天被非法软禁在家，今天一整天被2-3辆小车、 8-12人跟踪？
At home after work I was puzzled. Half thinking about what to cook, half thinking why on earth I was kept under house arrest yesterday. All day today I was followed by two to three cars and about eight to twelve people.
我是谁？我一边洗菜一边想。我是一个新婚的家庭主妇，今年22岁，身高不足 160 厘米，体重不足45 公斤，外表不美不丑，脸色苍白憔悴。喜欢孩子，因此想方设法在艾滋病村协助志愿者助养了两百来名的孤儿；钟情文字，因此天天在 Blog上敲自己的心情，直到丈夫失踪，束手无策只好开始写事实而非情绪；体弱多病，脑膜炎后遗症让我常常忘记遇见的人和事，因此不得不依赖手头的纸和笔；思想简单、脾气执拗，见不得大鱼吃小鱼、人欺负人，无能为力哭鼻子也常有。
Who am I? I pondered, half washing vegetables, half thinking. I'm a newly-wed housewife. I'm twenty-two years old. Height just falls short of 160 centimeters and weight just below 45 kilograms. My appearance is nother pretty nor ugly, my face is pale. I like kids, that's why I volunteer in the AIDS village helping to raise over two hundred orphans. I love writing, and every day pour my heart on onto my blog. Until my husband disappeared, then instead of biting my nails I started writing the facts and not emotions. Weak and sickly, post-meningitis leftover problems often make me forget people and things. Because of this I can't do anything with out my hands, some paper and a pen. Thoughts are simple, temper is stubborn, tend not to see the big fish eating the small fish, or people taking advantage of other people, often cry when feeling incompetent.
我做了什么？我每天到公司上班挣饭碗，我每天为艾滋病组织做志愿工作，我每天写博客抒发心情，我奔波流泪找回失踪的丈夫，我18 号被公布获得”受难者家人奖”，我听见陈光诚妻子在电话里传来的声音和消息，忍不住偷偷地掉眼泪。
What did I do? Every day I go to work at the company and earn my rice bowl. Every day I volunteer for the AIDS work organization. Every day I write in my blog and express my state of mind. I rush about weeping trying to get my missing husband back. On the eighteenth I was announced as the Victims’ Family Members Award. Hearing Chen Guangcheng's wife voice and news on the telephone, I can't take it and quietly start to cry.
昨天早上六点多胡佳离开家，计划上午去医院复诊拿药，下午去”盲人陈光诚事件”的记者见面会现场。结果七点我给他电话，发现他还在楼下的院子里，与十几个壮汉争执。我下楼才发现原来是北京国保总队和通州区国保支队的便衣警察，其中多为上次 41天绑架胡佳的参与者，还有负责小区的派出所警察，以及根本不认识的面孔。这些秘密警察把胡佳围住，并把楼外院子的铁门关起来。不仅粗暴得阻拦胡佳出去，也禁止我出去。邻居们清晨听到大声的争执，纷纷远远地围观。其中一个国保说：”无论如何，今天你们不能出去。”这是什么道理！没有法律文件、没有出示证件，单凭一句话”你们不能出去”就剥夺了我们的自由吗？以前即使是胡佳被软禁、失踪，我也从来没有被软禁过。为什么！我质问。国保打马虎眼，说着不着边际的话。我给朋友们电话，都说与”盲人陈光诚事件”的记者见面会有关的律师、朋友将近二十人全部处于没有行动自由的状况，记者见面会被迫取消。但是胡佳的药没有了，医生嘱咐必须去医院复检然后取药。力争了两个多小时，我们僵持在小区院子里，邻居们远远地看着听着议论着。国保见我们不肯屈服，几经电话请示上级，最终不得不同意胡佳去医院复诊取药，条件是我必须留在家里，胡佳必须乘坐国保支队的警车，另外国保几队人、数辆车贴身跟随胡佳，而且复查取药之后马上回家，不得与外界联系。
Yesterday morning just after six a.m. Hu Jia left home, planning to go to the hospital in the morning to get some medicine and in the afternoon go to the ‘The Blind man Chen Guangcheng Incident’ press conference. At seven I gave him a phone call and learned that he was still down below in the courtyard, arguing with two dozen-odd built guys. I went downstairs only to see that they were the Beijing central and plainclothed Tongzhou district State Secrecy Bureau [SSB] detachments. Among them were those who took part in kidnapping Hu Jia for forty-one days, police responsible for the small community police station as well as some faces I didn't recognize at all. These secret police circled around Hu Jia, trapping him in, and closed the iron gate to the outer yard. Not only did they violently stop Hu Jia from leaving, they also forbid me from leaving. Early that morning the neighbors heard a loud ruckus, and slowly came from all over to crowd around and watch. One of the SSB guys said, “no matter what happens, the two of you cannot go out today.” What kind of reasoning is this? No legal documents, no displaying of credentials, just the lone one-liner, “the two of you cannot go out today” can deprive us of our freedoms? Previously, even when Hu Jia was under house arrest and then later missing, I had never been put under house arrest. Why? I demand an answer but the SSB guy pretended he didn't know, just spat out some mumb-jumbo. I phoned some friends, and they all said the friends and lawyers who were supposed to be at the Chen Guangcheng Incident press conference were under similar conditions, being held against their will all over town, forcing the press conference to be called off. But Hu Jia was out of medicine, prescribed by the doctor such that it could only be gotten at the hospital. After fighting for over hours, we refused to leave the courtyard. Neighbors far away could all hear the arguing. Seeing that we weren't willing to budge, the SSB guys made some phone calls to their superiors and in the end had no choice but to take Hu Jia to the hospital to fulfill his prescription, but only on the condition that I stay at home. Hu Jia had to be taken in an SSB detachment police car, and a few SSB people in a few other cars followed him there, rushing him back home as soon as his prescription was filled and not allowing him any contact with the outside world.
我太愚笨了，竟不明白对方话中有话。往常害怕胡佳反抗非法限制人身自由，国保在可能的情况下，都极力让我跟着胡佳去医院，他们贴身”保护”。他们的意思，有我这个”人质”，就不怕胡佳”逃跑”或”激烈反抗”。而昨天我竟然没有明白过来为什么国保不让我陪同胡佳去医院，也没有明白国保说的话”你今天必须待在家里”、”你的能量太大了，把我们害得够惨”真正的含义。
In my stupidity, I didn't clue in to the meaning of their words. In the past, afraid that Hu Jia might resist the illegal restrictions on his personal freedoms, it was conceivable that the SSB would let me go with Hu Jia to the hospital, with their accompanying ‘protection.’ Their meaning this time was that having me as a pawn, they weren't afraid Hua Jia would run or fight back. But yesterday, I actually didn't understand why the SSB guys wouldn't let me accompany Hu Jia to the hospital, or the real significance they had by saying “you must stay at home today,” “you have too much energy, scares us to death.”
今天早上我下楼上班，发现两辆车紧紧地跟着我，一直到办公室。无论我到哪里，都有戴着耳机的人窥视。中午我外出办事，竟然发现跟踪的车增加了一辆，换句话说，12 个人 3辆车跟踪我。这12个人有男有女，个个比我高比我壮也比我年长。一辆白色现代车车前牌照”京 FB8233″，车后无牌照；一辆灰色马自达，车前牌照”京FE6034 “，车后牌照不明；一辆深灰色日产蓝鸟车前牌照”京 FC9288″，车后牌照”京EO9288 “。我给朋友电话，他问我害怕不害怕，我说我不害怕但是很担忧。
This morning when I went downstairs to go to work, I noticed a car following me closely, all the way to the office. No matter where I went, there were earpiece-wearing people watching. At lunch I stepped out of the office only to notice there was one more car following me now. To put it another way, there were twelve people in three cars tailing me. Of these twelve there were men and women, all of whom were taller, stronger and older than me. One modern white car's license plate number was 京F B8233, one license plate in front but none in the back. One grey Mazda with a front license plate number 京F E6034, but the rear license plate was not clear. One deep gray Japanese Bluebird car with the number 京F C9288 in the front and 京E 09288 in the back. I phoned a friend, he asked if I was scared. Not scared, I said, just quite anxious.
晚上回到家给”盲人陈光诚事件”的记者见面会相关的朋友打电话，都说昨天晚上已经撤除软禁和监视了。我的丈夫胡佳，傍晚和晚上外出，也没有发现类似以往的贴身跟踪。
At night when I got home I phoned the friends from the Chen Guangcheng Incident press conference and they all said their house arrest and surveillance had ended the previous night. My husband Hu Jia went out at dusk and later in the evening and didn't notice any signs of being followed.
我感到一阵阵寒颤。我和陈光诚的妻子袁伟静通电话，得知袁伟静和陈光诚所遭遇的软禁、绑架、孤立，我没有词语，残忍、太残忍了……是的，我和北京十几位法律援助律师协助了”盲人陈光诚事件”记者见面会的筹备。一切工作公开透明，并且明确说明是为了告诉大家陈光诚及其家属的近况。记者见面会被阻挠了，没有关系，不让大家开记者见面会，那我们就变换方式，目的只有一个，和社会各界保持沟通。律师们法律援助的工作亦如期进行。昨天晚上，原本被限制自由的律师、朋友，也自由了。大家谁也不会想到，就在昨天晚上，北京政法大学讲师滕彪的住宅楼下，在北京警察和小区保安的眼皮底下，陈光诚七十岁的母亲和三岁的孩子被一伙山东口音的彪形大汉劫持绑架到一辆无牌照车辆上，绝尘而去。今天早上老人和孩子被山东临沂的警察遣送到陈光诚家乡沂南县，被软禁在县城党校陈光诚四哥的家里，被告知不许回到乡村与陈光诚的妻子团聚。袁伟静可是老人的儿媳妇、孩子的母亲啊！她和怀抱中不满一岁的婴儿相依为命，家人的支持是多么重要！
I had a fit of the shivers. I phoned Chen Guangcheng's wife Yuan Weijing, only to learn all about their recent house arrest, abduction and isolation. I had nothing to say. Brutal, too brutal……really. With the help of over a dozen legal aid lawyers I set up a ‘Chen Guangcheng Incident press conference.’ All work was being done openly and with transparency and we were clear in explaining that it was to let people know Chen Guangcheng and his family members’ current situations. The press conference got shut down, but no matter. If they won't let people hold a press conference, then we'll just try another approach. The aim is still the same, to maintain communication with all circles of society. The legal aid lawyers’ work is also being carried out on time. As of last night, the lawyers and friends who were having restrictions on their personal freedoms are now free. Nobody would have imagined that last night, below Beijing Politics and Law University professor Teng Biao's apartment, right in front of the Beijing police and community security guards’ eyes, would come walking Chen Guangcheng's seventy year-old mother and his three year-old son only to be forcefully abducted by a group of burly
Shandong accent-speaking men and whisked away in an unmarked vehicle. This morning the old woman and the boy were shipped back to Yinan, Chen Guangcheng's hometown in Shandong province, by police from the nearby Linyi and put under house arrest in the county seat party school's and Chen Guangcheng's fourth brother's home. They were told they would not be allowed to travel back to their village to be reunited with Chen Guangcheng's wife. Yuan Weijing is the old woman's daughter-in-law, the baby's mother! Her and the baby she holds, not yet one year old, now depend on each other for life. Family support is so important!
坐在电脑前，深深呼吸，平静自己。他们害怕什么？为什么如此害怕一个手无缚鸡之力的女子？最近多么反常！我的丈夫被警察绑架41 天至今无人为此负责；堂堂山东一个大省，竟然害怕一个盲人，还害怕盲人手无寸铁的妻子，软禁、绑架、殴打他们，拖着刚成为母亲的弱女子擦地而过，到如今竟然捏造罪名欲陷害这个盲人于牢狱。更反常的是，堂堂北京一国之都，竟然因害怕讲述一个盲人的遭遇而草木皆兵，在全城制造非法限制人身自由的事件，讽刺的是，被软禁的朋友中，一半是京城优秀的律师，其中不乏法学博士，那谁还能捍卫法律的尊严！更荒唐的是，被非法限制人身自由的朋友们重新获得自由的时候，在北京东部不起眼的地方，十二个人三辆车紧紧跟踪一个年轻的弱女子。难道他们脆弱恐惧到害怕一个不满 23岁的女人吗？
Sitting in front of the computer, breathing deeply, calming myself down. What are they afraid of? Why would they be afraid of a powerless girl? Things have been so abnormal recently! My husband was kidnapped by the police for forty-one days, something until today nobody has taken responsibility for. Big, solemn Shandong province. Not only is it afraid of a blind man, it's also afraid of his bare-handed wife, kidnapping, beating and putting them under house arrest, dragging the weak young new mother away along the ground. Now they seek to harm this blind man with a fake accusation and send him to prison. The most abnormal is how jittery the great capitol Beijing has gotten just over the telling of a blind man's encounters. The city wide illegal obstruction of people's personal freedoms is the most ironic. Of the friends put under house arrest, half of them are outstanding Beijing lawyers, more than a few of whom have PhDs in law. So who is there still able to safeguard the sanctity of the law? The most absurd part is that as those friends whose personal freedom was illegally constricted regained their freedom, in a random spot on Beijing's east side are twelve people and three cars following closely a young, weak woman. Are they so scared of a woman not yet even twenty-three years old?
2004年以来，我的丈夫胡佳，被跟踪、软禁、殴打、绑架的情形经历过无数次。而今天第一次针对我的限制和跟踪，让我感觉很恶心。恶心是一个女性在这样的情况下的本能反应。试想想，无论我在哪里，都有脑满肠肥的男人戴着耳机凑近偷听，拿着相机和摄像机偷拍，用鬼鬼祟祟的眼光监视并打电话汇报。甚至我在公共场所去洗手间，他们都朝洗手间的方向探头探脑看我”搞什么阴谋”。当我回到家，他们把车停在我的阳台下，如果不拉布帘，我的一举一动落在他们眼里，这又是多么恶心的事情。
Since 2004 my husband, Hu Jia, has experienced being tailed, put under house arrest, beaten and kidnapped countless times. But today is the first time they've targetted me with restrictions and tailing, which I think is very disgusting. To be disgusted is the instinctual reaction any woman would have in these circumstances. Try and think. No matter where I go there are always pot-bellied men wearing earpieces following closely and eavesdropping, taking cameras and video cameras and sneakily filming me, watching me with sleazy gazes as they phone back to make reports. Even when I'm in public toilets they look in the direction of the toilet to see ‘what conspiracy I'm up to.’ When I go home, they park below my balcony. If I don't close the curtains, they watch everything I do. This is what I mean by disgusting.
他们这种行为，让我感到深深的羞耻。我每个月辛辛苦苦挣一点点钱，不到2000元的净收入，还要给国家上缴所得税。却用税金养活一批人高马大的家伙，来跟踪、监视弱小如我者的一举一动。 12个人的工资是多少呢？24小时不间断的监视加班费是多少呢？ 3 辆车的油钱是多少呢？更何况天热为了开空调他们警车的发动机一刻不停地运转要耗费多少能源呢？偷拍用的照相机、摄像机、窃听器、手机和通讯费是多少呢？我不敢往下想，我为我的国家感到羞耻；我也悲哀自己，用税金养活国家机器中的零件来监控弱者。
This behavior of theirs makes me feel ashamed. Every month I work my butt off for less than 2000 yuan in wages, and I still have to pay taxes to the government. But this money is actually used to support a group of tall sturdy guys in tailing and surveilling every movement and action of small, weak people like me. How much are twelve people's wages? How much for twenty-four hour surveillance and overtime pay? How much is the gas for three cars? Even more so, how many resources are being consumed to keep the air conditioning in their police cars running non-stop on these hot days? How much does it cost for the cameras, video cameras and listening devices used to spy on me? And the mobile phone charges? I don't dare go on thinking. I feel ashamed for my country. I also feel sorry for myself, using my taxpayer's money to support components in the state apparatus in monitoring the weak.
明天会发生什么事情，我不知道。许多朋友询问我为什么打不开我的博客，我无话可说，我也经常打不开自己的博客。我的丈夫胡佳苦笑，说那些警察不跟踪我了，反而跟踪你，什么意思？我年轻不经世，不知道为什么，跟踪者也不会给我答案，只好请朋友们帮我思考思考。
I don't know what will happen tomorrow. Many friends why they can't open my blog. I also cannot open my own blog. My husband Hu Jia forces a smile and says ‘those police aren't following me, now they're following you. What does that say?’ I'm young and I don't have any influence, so I don't know why, and my followers won't give me an answer. I can only ask my friends to help me figure it out.
June 21
欺侮妇女，可耻
Bullying a woman, shame on you
我首先声明，今天发生的事情，是我的个人行为，是一个被无故欺压者的本能反抗。
First I just want to say what happened today, was my own action, an instinctual revolting against arbitrary tyranny.
早上外出上班，我抱着侥幸的心理：今天他们该走了吧，不跟踪我了吧，我该放松了吧！可是下楼希望就破灭了，便衣警察的车子正对着我家所在院子的大门，我开车离开家，两辆车一灰一白跟上来。走到北关环岛附近堵车堵得厉害，我下车走到紧贴着我的车子跟前，看每一辆车的车牌确定是否和昨天的一样。车子里的人很慌张，把遮阳板放下来，不让我看他们的脸。
This morning I left off for work in a very lucky mood. ‘They should be gone today, stopped following me already. I should relax!’ But as I came out the front door my hopes were destroyed. Parked across from my building next to the courtyard gate was an undercover police car. As I started the car and left home, two cars, one grey one white, followed behind. Nearing the freeway, traffic got pretty bad. I got out and walked up to the front of the cars following me, looking to see if any of the license plate numbers were the same as those yesterday. The people inside the cars started flapping around and pulled down the shades to stop me from seeing their faces.
中午吃完午饭我拿着背包从办公室下来，那帮便衣警察没有意识到我这么快又下楼，直到我走到车子跟前，才惊慌失措地遮掩，可笑的是，副驾驶位置上的便衣，手里举着扇形的扑克牌，想必当时他们正在玩扑克。
After lunch I took my backpack and went down from the office; the undercover cops didn't realize I'd come down again so soon until I went toward my car, then tried to hide their panic. The most absurd part of it all was when the undercover cop in the passenger seat raised a fan-shaped hand of cards; they must have been playing poker at the time.
下午我做了泡沫塑胶的牌子，上面写着”欺侮妇女，可耻（Shame, to insult a woman）”。如果便衣警察再如此步步紧逼跟着我，我必然反抗。
In the afternoon I made some signs out of foam. On them I wrote “Bullying a woman, shame on you.” If the undercover police are going to keep on stalking me like this, I'm going to protest.
国保的便衣警察还是紧紧地跟着我，我没有办法，下午见了朋友，一起吃完晚饭走出餐厅，看见车子停在门口，我拿出牌子，什么话也没有说，站在车前让对方看见牌子上写的字。司机启动车缓缓地一次又一次冲撞我，我站不稳了，可是竟然一点也没有害怕，依旧默默地站在，让他们看见我写在牌子上的心中的想法”欺侮妇女，可耻”。
The SSB undercover police were still following on my heels, so I had no choice. In the afternoon I went to meet a friend. After the meal we walked out of the restaurant together and I saw the cars parked at the door. Without saying anything, I went and stood in front of the car and let the people inside see what was written on the sign. The driver started the car and slowly started bumping me with it again and again. I stood firm and actually wasn't afraid at all. I stood silently and let them see the words I wrote on the sign, what I feel in my heart: “Bullying a woman, shame on you.”
我觉得一切莫名其妙，不知道为什么。我报警吗？报警可以让跟踪者远离我吗？没有人可以替我解决问题，除了我自己。我的丈夫帮我拍了照片，我只是不平则鸣，我不知道有没有更好的办法，驱逐这叮着肥肉的苍蝇一般的跟踪者。
I feel totally confused, I don't know why. Should I call the police? Will calling the police get rid of those following me? Nobody can resolve this problem except for myself. My husband helped me take photos; I'm only crying out against injustice and I can't think of any better way to drive away these fat stinging flies following me.
晚上袁伟静给我电话，告诉我她焦急无法入眠。因为陈光诚的妈妈今天开始腹痛、呕吐，看守软禁她的便衣，就是不让陈光诚的母亲到医院就诊，推脱要向上级领导请示，说明天可以带老人去医院。刚才再通电话，依旧腹疼、呕吐，老人说心脏也开始不舒服，可是还是她还是被禁止去医院就医。这是什么世界？我的眼泪掉下来。
At night Yuan Weijing phoned me to say she's too worked up and can't fall asleep. Because Chen Guangcheng's mother came down with a stomach ache today and started vomiting, and the undercover police keeping her under house arrest wouldn't let Chen Guangcheng's mother go to the hospital to get checked out. Blowing her off by first saying they needed permission from their supervisors, they then said the old woman could be taken to the hospital tomorrow. Just now Weijing phoned again and her mother-in-law's stomach still hurts and is still vomiting, as well as saying that her heart is uncomfortable. Yet still she was forbidden to go ot the hospital. What kind of world is this? My tears are falling.
June 22
庶民的不服从
The defiance of the plebs
昨天在餐馆前举着纸牌抗议国保的便衣警察”欺侮妇女，可耻”后，我把纸牌放在车上能被车外的人看见的地方，和胡佳开车回家。国保的两辆车仍然紧紧地跟在我们的车后，中间偶尔插进来别的车，副驾驶位置上的人探着脑袋看我们车上纸牌的字。
After my protest against the SSB undercover cops at the restaurant yesterday with my ‘Bullying a woman, shame on you’ sign, I put the sign in the car where others would be able to see it, and drove home with Hu Jia. The two SSB cars still followed closely behind my car. From time to time another car would come between us and the person in the passenger seat would stick his head out looking for the sign in our car.
早上据说监视的车仍然停在院子里，今天在家办公忙了一会儿，11点才下楼外出。发现平时跟踪的车不见了。简直不敢相信，我们把车开出老远，都没有看见跟踪的车辆，我才肯定地告诉关心的朋友：跟踪的车辆和彪形大汉不见了！
In the morning, assuming the surveillance cars would still be parked in the courtyard, I worked for a bit in the home office and didn't come down until eleven. I noticed the usual surveillance car wasn't there. I simply could not believe it. Only after we'd driven the car a long ways and still didn't see anyone following us did I start to tell concerned friends: the tailing cars and the burly guys were gone!
今天好多位我认识的或不认识的朋友和我联系，其中一个朋友说当他看到我举着纸板的照片，”笑得眼泪都流出来了”，这是大家都可以做到的事情。便衣警察们今天消失了，我很高兴，为我们的国家高兴，觉得我们的国家也还有一点点羞耻心。可以说，昨天我表达不满情绪的方式，起作用了。监视我的”工作”肯定还在进行，但至少是在我肉眼看不见的情况下。下午阿姨到我家，说楼下有男人问她是不是住在四楼（目前四楼仅有我们一户入住），不知那问话者是不是便衣警察。
Today many friends, some I know, some I don't, got in touch with me. One of them said when he saw the picture of the sign, he laughed until he cried. This is something anybody can do. The undercover police have disappeared today. I'm very happy. Happy for our country; I feel that it still has a little bit of shame left. You could say that my method yesterday of expressing my feelings of discontent worked. Surveillance of my ‘work’ is surely still being carried out, but at least it's not right in my face. In the afternoon auntie came over to my house and said there was a man downstairs asking if she lived on the fourth floor (at present we are the only tenants on the fourth floor). I don't know if the person asking is an undercover officer or not.
在我所知的情况中，有几百个人被国保/国安骚扰过，最轻的是被找去”谈话配合”，严重的要么被警告威胁、要么被限制人身自由或软禁、要么被失踪，最严重的是被国保 /国安陷害失去生命或长期的自由。成功拒绝国保/国安骚扰的案例，少之又少。最典型的是彭大侠。便衣警察找他”谈话”，他曾经晓之以理动之以情，结果对方得寸进尺。彭大侠彻底失望，终于在被便衣警察贴身跟踪的某天，举着菜刀狂追便衣警察，以致把便衣警察吓破胆，再也不敢明目张胆。从此以后凡是警察找他谈话要求配合，他拿出”双掉政策”——两条腿的砍掉、四个轮子的砸掉，肉眼能区分男女，刀子从不认男女。然后在小区里贴《纪念刘和珍君》，某日徒步去某地，为的就是纪念。当然不是特意为了干什么，而是作为普通的有历史记忆的公民，应该干什么就干什么，还邀请警察一起干，把警察吓得半死。彭大侠是那种气宇轩昂、一身正气却又怪招百出的亦勇亦谋之士，有先秦剑客之风，我佩服得不得了。但是他的方式，是学不来的。
As far as I know, several hundred people have been harassed by the SSB or the Ministry of State Security [MSS]. On the lighter side is being called out for a ‘cooperative discussion.’ More serious is being threatened by the police, having one's personal freedoms restricted or being placed under house arrest, or being tailed. The most serious is when the SSB or MSS seek to see loss of life or long-term loss of personal freedom. Those who succeed in rejecting cases of SSB or MSS harassment are fewer than few. A classic example would be Peng Daxia. The undercover police came to see him for a ‘chat.’ He tried to reason with them, appeal to their emotions, but they weren't satisfied. Peng Daxia completely lost hope and finally, one day, while being followed closely by undercover police, he pulled out a kitchen knife and started chasing them with it. Having had the courage scared out of them, they didn't dare be so open anymore. After that, whenever the police came looking for him for a ‘cooperative discussion,’ he'd bring out the ‘double loss policy': two legs get chopped off, four tires get smashed, eyes can tell between men and women but the knife doen't discern. Then later a poster was put up ‘Commemorating Ms.
Liu Hezhen,’ calling for people to walk to a certain place on a certain day, to commemorate. Of course he wasn't really up to anything special, just being a normal citizen with a penchant for history, doing what he thought he ought to. He even invited the police to come, scaring them half to death. Peng Daxia has a kind of dignified demeanor, full of integrity through and through, with ideas most people wouldn't normally think of; as brave and wise as an imperial knight. I admire him greatly, but some of his methods I just don't get.
听说许多优秀人士的妻子都被国安/国保找去谈话，希望通过妻子给他们的丈夫施压，达到与当局配合的目的。他们单独找我正式”谈话”只有我念大学时唯一的一次，党委书记受国安”委托”与我”做思想工作”，要我远离胡佳。胡佳经常出事，我很担忧，在多次与国保打交道的过程中，我渐渐地彻底不对他们抱任何幻想。我认为任何屈服与所谓的”合作”，只能带来一个结果：对方更加得寸进尺地压制你，对你予取予求。当然，激烈地对抗，也会带来非常糟糕的结果，两败俱伤。所以我选择了和平地表达自己的方式，告诉对方，我为你们对我所做的一切感到不满和耻辱。陈光诚曾经说：”人们常常会把抱怨世道的不公、世道的黑暗，很少想想自己都为改变这些不公和黑暗都作了些什么？一个爱憎分明的眼光，一句公道的语言，都会是改变这些不良现象的力量源泉。”是的，非暴力的不示弱、不服从，保护自己的权利，捍卫自己的尊严。如果我们自己不放弃捍卫，任何人都无法真正欺侮我们。如果每个人都力所能及地用各种方式表达对压制的不服从，那么社会上不公正和黑暗的事件就会少许多。在指责批评黑暗不公之前，我们先站在镜子前，看一看自己是否是那黑暗不公事件另一股暗流。我不是个勇敢的人，可是我努力做到大声地说出我看到的事实，本能地对所受的欺压做出反抗。
I've heard of many outstanding people's wives being sought out by the MSS/SSB for a chat, hoping to put the pressure on them via their wives and achieve the goal of cooperation with the authorities. There was only one time that they sought me out for a formal ‘chat’ and that was back in university. The Party Committee Secretary was “commissioned” by the MSS with doing “ideological work” aimed at keeping me away from Hu Jia. Hu Jia often had a lot of problems, which left me quite anxious. In the process of my many times coming in contact with the SSB, I've gradually lost any fantasies I might once have had about them. I think that any giving in or so-called ‘cooperation’ will only have one outcome: they will only want to oppress you more, demanding more and more. Of course, strong antagonization will only make things worse, hurting both sides. That's why I choose to peacefully express myself, and let them know that I feel critical and ashamed of everything that you have done to me. Chen Guangcheng once said, “People often complain that the ways of the world are unfair, that the way is dark, but seldom think what they can do to change this unfair and dark situations. A clear sense of what to hate and what to love, just language, all can change the sources of these negative situations.” Yes. Non-violence does not signify weakness, nor do disobedience and protection of one's own rights, defending one's own dignity. As long we don't stop defending ourselves, nobody will be able to bully us. First we must stand before the mirror and see if we ourselves aren't just another part in the stream of black and unjust events. I'm not a brave person. But I do work hard to say out loud the truthful things I see, instinctfully fighting against those who would tyrannize others.
下午三点半陈光诚的律师李劲松被山东警察带去，到现在还没有自由。第二批去山东的律师，今天一到临沂，就被不明身份的人殴打受伤，律师拨打110 ，却被变相羁留在派出所到现在，一整天无法开展工作。看守陈光诚妻子袁伟静的警察和便衣，整个村庄已经多达 80人，邻近也散布了妇联等组织的”工作人员”，据看守的人说，目的只有一个，就是不顾一切阻止袁伟静与外界接触。我竟然一点都不慌张，我觉得这是黎明前的黑暗，是山东警方最后的挣扎。因为他们试图用”涉嫌扰乱正常生活”的罪名来拘捕李劲松律师，这不是最新版的《拍案惊奇》吗？当我写到这里，收到律师团的消息：”张立辉律师：公安局来了几十个人，公然抢了律师的照相机摔了，即使能回也回不来，请大力关注！”（ 2006年6月22日 星期四晚22：49 手机短消息。）哎，事情竟然到了如此疯狂的地步。北京的律师说，我们已经做好了挨打的准备，我们会一批一批地把最优秀的律师送到山东为陈光诚提供法律援助。这一群知识分子和专业律师，分散了是普通弱小的公民，他们用最温和的方式，甚至以准备好了挨打的姿态，忠于自己的职业，默默地表达了对压制和迫害的不服从。
At three-thirty this afternoon Chen Guangcheng's lawyer Li Jingsong was taken away by Shandong police, and until now has not been released. As soon as he arrived in Linyi today, he was attacked by someone of unknown identity. He called 9-1-1, but has been detained in the police station up until now, a whole day's work lost. There are already more than eighty uniformed and undercover police watching over Chen Guangcheng's wife and the village. Throughout the neighborhood they've also dispatched Women's Federation “staff.” According to one observer, they're only there for one purpose, that is to at all costs prevent Yuan Weijing from making contact with the outside world. I'm actually not surprised, I feel this just the dark before dawn, the Shandong police's final battle.
As suggested by this poem written by Zeng, whose name translates to Golden Sparrow, police intimidation has made enough impact that now she's even being tailed in her dreams.
June 30
梦中
In my dreams
我生活在连绵起伏的大山里
三个国保坐在我的车里，等着要限制我的自由
我开始爬山，国保在山下追赶
我爬到山顶，张开双臂
往下坠落
飞翔的感觉
My life is in a range of rolling mountains
Three state secrecy police sit inside my car, waiting to limit my freedoms
I start to climb the mountain, the state secrecy police start chasing from below
I climb to the peak, spread my arms
And fall down
Feels like flying
国保还在身后追赶
我又爬到一个山头，张开双臂
飞翔
The state secrecy police are still in pursuit behind me
I climb to the top of another mountain, spread my arms
And fly
国保还在身后追赶，我跑到悬崖
张开双臂
飞翔
The state secrecy police are still in pursuit behind me, I run to the cliff
Spread my arms
And fly
国保还在身后追赶
两只可爱的小白鼠，连在一起成了比汗血马还快的飞鼠
载着我
飞翔
The state secrecy police are still in pursuit behind me
Two cute little white mice, put together, fly faster than a horse sweating blood
Take me
Flying
国保仍然在我身后追赶
我醒了
The state secrecy police are still in pursuit behind me
I wake up
不知道第几次做这样的梦
自由落体的感觉
I don't know how many times I've had dreams like this
A free-falling feeling
金燕
沉重的金
自由的燕
Golden swallow
Heavy gold
Free swallow
4 comments
Olympia geht vor…
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